Weakest link
by Twisted Mackeral
Summary: Not my proudest title, I'll admit.
1. Default Chapter

It was night in the woods of the Kikiri and an air of peace hung heavy over the place. Crickets chirped lazily in the grass. Owls hooted faintly. The full moon shone brightly through the dense branches of the giant trees and the sweet heady smells of late evening, honeysuckle and pine, still hung in the warm air. Alley cats failed to mate loudly on garden fences. It was perfect.  
  
The immortal youths of the woods slept soundly in their beds or, in some cases, other people's beds. All dreamt of beautiful and sweet things, for they knew no evil (sort of) and all were unaware of the nameless evil that crept among them. Oh wait; it did have a name- Ganondorf. The huge black shape moved silently through the shadows, its walk purposeful, its eyes, the pits of fire that burned out of its skull, focused on a single point ahead.  
  
Morning came. A chicken crowed somewhere in the woods. No one knew where it crowed from but it did and always had done for as long as anyone could remember (which in this place, was a very, very, very long time), every morning at precisely 6am. People had tried to stop it. Every chicken in the wood had been slaughtered, burnt and then jumped up and down on. Yet somehow that chicken, that one incessant, bastard little chicken had survived. Thus it was now called the Jesus chicken.  
  
The children of the wood had grown to bear and respect it and they slept through. Only an hour later, when a scream rang through the woods, did anyone stir.  
  
The scream had come from a tree house, half perched/ half carved into one of the huge trees. Inside, a young boy lay sprawled on the floor. He was around the age of 10, blonde and gangly. From the waist up he was naked which had been partly to blame for the girlish scream.  
  
Then rest of what was to blame now hovered before his face. It was a small glowing ball of light with two butterfly wings and a very worried expression on its little face.  
  
"Hello," it said, very, very quickly. It was a girl. "My names Navi! You're Link! No time to talk! We gotta go now, quick, quick, quick!"  
  
"What? No! Get the hell out of my house!" the boy yelled.  
  
He took a swipe at her. She caught his arm and, with incredible strength, pulled him bodily out the door.  
  
The ground ended a foot later. It was a very long way down.  
  
"Ooooops," Navi called down. "You Ok?"  
  
"No but I think the compost loo softened the landing." And then the fairy had swooped down again and caught his arm. She continued her dragging, pulling him along a dirt track that led through the forest. After a while she stopped and held up Link's arm. She waved it around and it flopped awkwardly.  
  
"Seems awfully loose."  
  
It was dislocated. With an annoyed groan Link took it back and popped it back in with a soft wet "plop".  
  
"It does that a lot. I dislocated it when I was five." He said, shuddering as he remembered that fateful day stood at the top of the precarious cliff with Mido.  
  
Right then Mido, the jumped up little Hitler who pretended to run the place, jumped out from behind a bush.  
  
"Hey! You can't come in here without a sword and-"  
  
He never got any further. A week later he was found in a bush, strangled by his own legs. 


	2. hello

They burst out into the clearing and screached to a halt. It was deathly quiet-hint, hint-. VERY DEATHLY quiet. Brown rotting leaves covered the ground. In the very centre of the clearing, where the great deku tree himself had once stood, nothing more remained than one hell of a tree stump. And, even in death, the great deku tree had succeded in being a bastard: his rotting trunk had fallen and crushed most of the village and most of the villagers.  
  
Maggots wormed their way across the great deku trees face. Even as they watched, one of his huge eyeballs slid out of its socket and fell with a thud to the ground.  
  
"Man, are you OK?" Navi called.  
  
They moved closer to the tree, noting the repuganant rotting oak smell. It looked as though he had been dead for days.  
  
Something rustled under Link's foot. He glanced down and saw a note, flappig gently in the brease. He snatched it up and read.  
  
'Dear Link,  
  
I hope you are reading this letter. It may be the only way for you to learn what I have to tell you. That fairy I sent to find you does not seem to be returning. As I write this she is most likly swilling back beers at the local pub. Never trust a concubine, I always say.'  
  
Link glanced over the top of the paper, to where Navi was sat on a rock, pulling a leaf apart with all the inocence of a child.  
  
'Anyway, I would have liked to tell you this face to face but.......you're not a Kokirir. Wow, big shock, huh? What a twist. Bet you didn't see that one coming, eh? I'll just give you some time to organise you're thoughts.'  
  
What followed next was several lines of dots. It seemed the old guy really had lost it in his old, old, old, old, old age.  
  
'Now that you've recovered from that deep and emotional trauma, you will probably be wondering why I am now dead.'  
  
"No," said Link.  
  
'No, you say?' the letter continued. 'Well tough. I'm telling you anyway.'  
  
There was the feeling of great speed, a huge wind roaring past him, of flames and smoke, and then his consciousness jerked to a halt feeling sick and nauseuas.  
  
The clearing had gone. His body had gone. He felt down with no hands and felt no body. His soul considered this for a second and then the nausea caught up on it and it was sick with no mouth.  
  
Smoke blew through his no face. Looking down, he found he now hovered above the ground and it seemed as though the land itself was burning. As far as he could see, the world was in flames. And he smelt blood too, on the stagnant wind that whipped the flames. The sky was a mass of throthing clouds.  
  
A black shape moved among the crimson flames. It looked like a horse but it couldn't be: no creature could have possibly stand the heat. It grew closer, cresting the hill, and he saw it was indeed a horse, black as the scorched ground, heavilly armoured. Then the thing that rode it looked up. And fires feircer than any that raged about me looked at him, scorched through his veryt soul...  
  
With a thud, the real world reaserted itself and he found himself back in the brightness of the clearing He was shaking where he stood and covered in sweat. Navi hovered before his face, flicking him constantly on his forehead.  
  
"Hello? Hello? Anyone in there? Aren't you gonna stop me?" She laughed and then, glancing round the clearing, jabbed me in the eye.  
  
"Ah! Jesus! What the hell are you doing!"  
  
The little fairy gave a yelp and dived for cover. She chose his pocket and lay there quivering.  
  
There was just one last bit to the letter.  
  
'This man killed me. Now you must kill him. Seriously. No joke. Good luck. :)  
  
P.S. You WILL do this for me. You'll see.....'  
  
Link laughed.  
  
"How the hell does he think I'm going to be stupid ennough to go kill this man? he said to the world in general. "I mean I'm not even going to leave the forest for a start."  
  
At the head of the clearing, a large group of kokiri had gathered. They all brandished pitchforks or burning torches.  
  
"You killed our tree!!!"  
  
"Bastard!!"  
  
"Get the hell out of our forest!!"  
  
"We gonna kill you!!"  
  
Link turned to the body of the tree and shook his fist.  
  
"Fine!" he yelled. "So I'm leaving the town now. But I am NOT killing that guy."  
  
And with that he turned on his heels and legged it out the forest. 


End file.
